Step 2

Surrender is an interesting thing. It’s preached as something you do when you want God to use you to further the kingdom. This is true. But there is a key part of the process that isn’t talked about quite as much, and it may be the most important. You can tell God to use you, but you must be willing to give up your own desires and plans first. You have to give God control. Well really, He’s already in control. So it’s more like you learning to stop trying to control your life. For a control freak like me this could possibly be the most scary/daunting/crippling concept I’ve ever had to process through. Me not have control? Do you know what could happen? Well I’d be living a life with abundant freedom, joy, hope, peace, and comfort. Oh. I could use some of those things. 

I’ve always had a difficult time distinguishing the difference between complete surrender and apathy. It’s not like I can say, take my life for Your glory, and then sit back and my life will go on. I still have to go out and live, which is far from being apathetic. If I’m living a life of surrender, then I will move along the path He’s created for me, trusting and content with whatever happens. If I’m striving for something that doesn’t bring God glory, then my work is useless. Whatever I get out of it will mean nothing. If I’m striving for the kingdom, no matter what I do, He will be glorified. That is what I want my life to be about. 

Now the difficult part. Surrender. Giving up control. Trusting in God’s plan for me. Aye.

I don’t know what God’s plan for my school is. All I know is that I’ve been given an incredible opportunity to go to college, and I need to focus on that. Still, it needs to be a healthy focus and I shouldn’t put school above God or my own sanity and well-being. Trying to be perfect makes me sick sometimes. That’s no bueno. I’ve constantly been reminding myself the measure you give is the measure you get a.k.a. what you put into something is what you’ll get out of it. I’ve found peace knowing that God won’t let my efforts be in vain. This has also taken off the pressure to be perfect. If I happen to get a 4.0, that’s great. If I get less than that, that’s fine too. Who am I to question God’s plan for me?

After I was hurt during break I had to start over with running. Right now I’m barely running 4 miles a week. I did the math, and following the 10% rule, I won’t be running 15 weekly miles until May. So that half marathon I’ve been planning on running since August? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. But the measure you give is the measure you get, right? If I just put in my miles, no matter how little I think it is, I will eventually work up to my goal. I know running may not seem like spiritual problem, but it is. And if I can’t give up control over this or other small matters in my life, then I will never be able to give God control of the larger things that are coming up in the near future. If I can’t trust Him that my life won’t fall apart if I don’t get a 4.0, then how will I ever be able to trust Him when it comes to following Him to the cross? 

Romans 8:28

We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

Coming to a better understanding of all of this has brought me peace. I can’t even describe it to you. And the fact that for the past who knows how many months I’ve been telling God (sometimes yelling) that all I wanted was peace and to be content makes how I feel right now even better. This seeking the kingdom first is pretty fantastic, let me tell you. Now it doesn’t mean that if I follow God, everything in my life will be perfect. It means that if I put Him first, things will fall into place the way He’s planned. And His plan for me is perfect. Whatever happens is for a reason, which is something that has been proved over and over again in my life. I just need to remember that. I need to stop fighting Him, and start fighting for the kingdom. I can only hope that after all of this one day I will hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.”

Psalm 37:5

Commit your way to the Lord; trust that God will act.