Endings

Last week Robert came to visit for the weekend. It was tons of fun, which is how it normally is when we’re together. Sunday night we went to dinner with a group of friends, and at one point he leaned over and asked, “Is it always like this?” Yes, yes it is. I honestly can’t think of a time when I didn’t enjoy spending time with my friends or feel like it wasn’t life-giving.

I’ve recently discovered that 99% of my thoughts are about the future- what I have to do, what I will do, what I want to do. It’s not bad to have goals, but when all of your energy is focused on them you forget to pay attention to what is going on in the present. However, if you know what is coming up in the future, you can cherish what’s happening in the moment. As of today I, along with a few of my closest friends, graduate in 158 days. That means I move back to Arizona in 160 days. 

The reality of moving and not being in college anymore is finally starting to become real. I’m not scared of the future or of change. What I am scared of is losing what I’m leaving behind... No more worshipping God next to the those who have been some of the most important people I’ve been blessed to know and love. No more hanging out and studying in coffee shops. No more cooking dinner for friends. No more being with people who bring me joy by just being with them. Shoot. I’ve already decided I’m going to have to be alone for the first few hours of my drive back to Prescott so I can ugly cry by myself.

There is something beautiful about endings. They clearly separate one time in your life from another, and I’m a fan of closure. Endings are difficult too. They’re abrupt, and everything you’re used to and have known is over. 

Since I know the end of my time in Ogden is coming, and quickly, I will enjoy the time I have with my friends. I will try not to worry about what is going to happen when we’re no longer together. And I will do as much as I possibly can to show them how much I love them. Because I love them a whole bunch. So much that I may or may not have cried a whole bunch while I wrote this.

We quickly forget there is an ending to every part of our life- the end of childhood, high school, college, times where we live in a certain place. Life is always moving forward. Don’t forget there will come a time when you move on from where you are right now. Cherish the people who you are with and where you are at this moment. Before you know it, the future you’ve been worrying and planning about for so long will be here. Don’t plan on enjoying life more in the future. Live now, because in the end, that is all you have.

2 Corinthians 9:15

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

Senioritis

I go back to Utah tomorrow for my last year at Weber. Honestly, I already want it to be over. I want to be done, graduate, and move on. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being in Ogden. I love my friends, and I’ve missed them. It’s everything that I’m going to have to do this year that is keeping me from being excited. I’m bored with the routine of studying, social functions, exams, etc. The only thing I’m looking forward to this year is graduation. It’s April 25th, in case you were wondering. 
A phrase we used at camp this summer was, “First, Last, and Only.” Even though we went through four weeks of camp and did the same activities every week, the campers only had one week of camp. Each day was their first, last, and only chance to have certain experiences. So going into this year, my prayer is that I remember it is my first, last, and only senior year at Weber State. At this point I feel like this year will be similar to the three before. However, just like each week of camp was different, each year of college will be different. We also said, “Last Week, Best Week.” Despite my lack of excitement, I will remain hopeful my last year will be the best yet.

Psalm 26:3

Your love is before my eyes; 

I walk guided by your faithfulness.

Hitting the Wall

“At camp...” is something I’ve probably said hundreds of times since coming back from Georgia. I’ve talked about living with the other missionaries, kids I met, and other random stories. Today it finally sunk in how different camp was from the life I’m living now. Everyone talks about coming back from retreats and camps on a spiritual high, which wears off after a few days or a couple weeks if you’re lucky. I’ve experienced the “Jesus high” before, but I’ve never really had trouble with settling back into every day life. Praise God I’ve been able to take whatever happened at camp and let it transform how I live. But it hasn’t been that way this time around. I was on a six week retreat, so I guess it makes sense that my transition would be difficult. Still, this is not quite what I envisioned happening.

At camp it seemed like God taught me multiple things during personal or communal prayer, homilies, sessions, or praise and worship. I journaled nearly every day, but today was the first time I had since returning from camp. To go from praying hours a day, immersed in an environment focused on leading people to encounter Jesus to a world filled with deadlines, obligations, and expectations has been like hitting a brick wall. 
At camp I felt so in-step with the Spirit that I could feel myself loving others from the overflow of God’s love for me. I could tell when I was doing something purely because of God’s grace and not my own strength. I could clearly see how God was answering prayers. But now it seems like none of that is going on. 
At camp I said I was returning to my life with the resolution to be centered around prayer. Honestly, that hasn’t happened at all. I speed through morning and night prayer, if I even do it. I’ve read a couple chapters of a book, and you already know there has been zero journaling. And to my dear missionary brothers and sisters, I can hardly speak to you because it makes me wish I was back at camp. 

Living out your faith is easy when that’s what your entire day is about. Your faith is tested when you enter into the world where you are bombarded with messages that are completely opposite of what Jesus tells his followers. 
So now, by God’s grace, I move forward in my journey. Although it looks nothing like it did at camp, I have faith my experiences transformed me. I will trust Jesus is holding my hand as I try to become grounded in prayer and center my life around my relationship with him.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your kind spirit guide me on ground that is level. For your name’s sake, Lord, give me life; in your justice lead me out of distress.

Psalm 143:10-11

True Worship

My time in Hiawassee, Georgia could be summed up as the most life-changing six weeks of my life. I know that’s what everyone says after they go on retreat, but I mean it in the most sincere way possible. And I’m not talking about a change in lifestyle, such as trying to pray or read scripture more. I’m talking about a transformation in which God showed me how to love, rely on prayer, desire to be with Jesus, and worship in the Spirit. I will never be the same. 

Summer Missionaries with Conan the BarBEARian

Since being in Utah I’ve had little support in my Catholic faith from others in the Church my age. After a few years in this environment, I began to think there weren’t many people in the Church who truly loved Jesus. My motivation in being a summer missionary was to show teens that having a relationship with Jesus is possible within the Catholic Church. At it’s core, this goal was a good one. However, my fault was in my arrogance of assuming I was one of the few Catholics who had discovered this Truth. There were 14 other summer missionaries, 8 service crew members, and 5 full time missionaries who, thanks be to God, showed me that there are plenty of college-aged Catholics who love Jesus with everything they have.

The night we all arrived at camp we had a spontaneous worship session on the deck of our cabin. It was one of my favorite nights in all six weeks of camp. This random group of people from around the country (and Canada) were worshipping in the Spirit in ways I had never seen or experienced before. During the two weeks of preparing camp and training I was able to witness this beautiful sight multiple times a day. Each word that came from everyone’s mouth was a true prayer straight from their heart. All of this continued during the four weeks of camp as well, but those first two weeks deepened my prayer life in ways I can only begin to explain. 

I now feel free to worship and praise God without being worried about what others will think of me. I’m comfortable singing, even though I am well aware my voice does not sound like a choir of angels. None of that matters anyways. Worship is about glorifying God, not displaying your passion and feelings for others to see. 
We prayed the Liturgy of the Hours in the morning and night as a community. The number of times God connected those prayers to my personal prayer, the readings for the day, or songs was insane. Jesus was speaking to me in deep and intimate ways, and it created a longing in me to just be with him. Now that I’m back home, I want to be in a place where praying is the first thing I do in the morning, and then continue to lean on prayer to get through the day. When Paul said, “Pray without ceasing,” he meant it.

But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshipers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship him. 

God is Spirit, and those who worship him must worship in Spirit and truth.

John 4:23-24

Camp Hiawassee

Urbana is a missions conference a group of us attended in St. Louis during Christmas break. There were about 18,000 people there and 250 missions organizations. It was an overwhelming experience, because there was too much to see and do than humanly possible. God taught me about how we can love and show his grace to others in a way that is specific to our passions and gifts. He renewed my desire for Catholics to realize their faith isn’t simply about going to a boring church service, but it is centered around their relationship with Jesus. When people encounter God in a personal way, they will be transformed. 
While I was at Urbana I remembered the LifeTeen summer missionary program. I knew the deadline was in January, but wasn’t sure if it was at the beginning or end of the month. So I told God I would check the deadline when I got back home, and I would apply if it hadn’t passed. The deadline was the 28th, so I began the application process. The day I left chapter camp I received a call while I was in the airport that I had been chosen to be a summer missionary. Jesus always has the best timing.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to serve with about 15 others at Camp Covecrest in Hiawassee, Georgia. The camp is specifically for middle schoolers, and I will be there May 19 to June 30. God’s faithfulness and grace is evident in how he has brought me from being an Edge leader when I was in high school to now. It has been an incredible journey, and I can’t wait to see what God is going to do in Hiawassee. 

Part of being a missionary is fundraising, and being supported through prayer and financially. Here is a link to my fundraising page, and I appreciate any donations. 

http://donate.lifeteen.com/mfrias

I will be praying for you all as I’m preparing to leave and while I’m at camp. Thank you for your generosity!

Philippians 1:6

I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.

In Sum

This has been my favorite year of college so far. Friendships became deeper and new ones were made. There are no words for how I feel after watching God work in people’s lives to bring them together. I was given incredible opportunities to experience God’s power, and I have never seen him moving so clearly before. It has been a privilege to help lead a small group, attend conferences and camp, and speak at a large group. The year wasn't sunshine and happiness all the time, but the hardships are nothing in comparison to all of the good that has happened. The only thing I can do is sit back and enjoy it all. I love my life and every single person in it.

Psalm 37:4

Find your delight in the Lord

who will give you your heart’s desire.

Do You Trust Me?

There are a lot of things going on at the moment. I think all of them are good, but I have no idea how they're going to turn out. It’s all uncertain and unknown, and I can't even begin to guess how they will end up. How can I move forward when I don’t even know where I’m going? 

Trust. 
Remembering God’s faithfulness in the past. 

Lately I’ve seen him writing people’s stories and how he brings people into your life at the right time. We always say that God’s timing is perfect, but to actually live it is incredible. To know that the creator of the universe is paying attention to every detail of your life makes my head hurt and my heart feel loved. 

Since coincidences aren’t real, I don’t think it’s random that in a time where I’m experiencing such a deep trust in God, that I’ve been thinking about my dad. Because of how my dad loves me I have no trouble calling God, Daddy.

Yesterday I remembered one time when my dad and I were out driving when I still had my permit. We were going down the road, when he reached over and put his hand in front of my face. What did I do? I never swerved or hit the brakes, I just kept driving. Apparently that wasn’t the reaction he was looking for, and he was beginning to seriously question my driving abilities. But why did I just keep going? I trusted that he wouldn’t have covered my eyes if we were going to be in danger, and if a dog ran into the road, he would’ve taken over. I trusted in his vision even though I couldn’t see, and that he could and would keep us safe. 

In everything that is currently happening, God keeps asking me one thing: Do you trust me? Yes, Daddy, I do. I trust your guidance and that you know where we’re going, even though I can’t see. I trust in your protection, and that you will be with me the entire time.

Psalm 56:4

O Most High, when I am afraid, 

in you I place my trust.