Endings

Last week Robert came to visit for the weekend. It was tons of fun, which is how it normally is when we’re together. Sunday night we went to dinner with a group of friends, and at one point he leaned over and asked, “Is it always like this?” Yes, yes it is. I honestly can’t think of a time when I didn’t enjoy spending time with my friends or feel like it wasn’t life-giving.

I’ve recently discovered that 99% of my thoughts are about the future- what I have to do, what I will do, what I want to do. It’s not bad to have goals, but when all of your energy is focused on them you forget to pay attention to what is going on in the present. However, if you know what is coming up in the future, you can cherish what’s happening in the moment. As of today I, along with a few of my closest friends, graduate in 158 days. That means I move back to Arizona in 160 days. 

The reality of moving and not being in college anymore is finally starting to become real. I’m not scared of the future or of change. What I am scared of is losing what I’m leaving behind... No more worshipping God next to the those who have been some of the most important people I’ve been blessed to know and love. No more hanging out and studying in coffee shops. No more cooking dinner for friends. No more being with people who bring me joy by just being with them. Shoot. I’ve already decided I’m going to have to be alone for the first few hours of my drive back to Prescott so I can ugly cry by myself.

There is something beautiful about endings. They clearly separate one time in your life from another, and I’m a fan of closure. Endings are difficult too. They’re abrupt, and everything you’re used to and have known is over. 

Since I know the end of my time in Ogden is coming, and quickly, I will enjoy the time I have with my friends. I will try not to worry about what is going to happen when we’re no longer together. And I will do as much as I possibly can to show them how much I love them. Because I love them a whole bunch. So much that I may or may not have cried a whole bunch while I wrote this.

We quickly forget there is an ending to every part of our life- the end of childhood, high school, college, times where we live in a certain place. Life is always moving forward. Don’t forget there will come a time when you move on from where you are right now. Cherish the people who you are with and where you are at this moment. Before you know it, the future you’ve been worrying and planning about for so long will be here. Don’t plan on enjoying life more in the future. Live now, because in the end, that is all you have.

2 Corinthians 9:15

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!