"You held the bell. Go you"

One of the few things that I can remember are the dates that certain events happened on. I have no idea why, but it’s probably because that type of thing is important to me. Today is one of those important days. A year ago I caused a school lockdown (saying it that way makes me feel cooler), and not one day has gone by this past year that I haven’t thought about it. Terribly sorry if it bothers you that I’m so open about this and that I talk about it like it’s no big deal. It is a big deal, but not because it was a horrible thing. At the time it wasn’t exactly pleasant, and not being able to drive for 3 months wasn’t my favorite. This is a big deal because it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Something that bothers me the most about this whole situation is that there are about 10 minutes where I can’t remember anything. Absolutely nothing. The last thing I remember was packing up because class was almost over. Then I was laying on the floor. It took another 20 minutes before I felt like I wasn’t half asleep and could talk. I don’t remember the people who helped out, people told me afterwards who the heroes of the day were. The only people I actually saw were officer fuller (he wasn’t even close to me, so I have no clue why I saw him), my dad (I heard him more than I saw him), one paramedic (only because he was right in my face), and McCready (I waved to him as they were putting me in the ambulance). On top of not being able to remember anything that happened during those 10 minutes, I had no control over what was going on. I had people grabbing me and sticking stuff in my mouth, and I can’t remember any of it. That doesn't sound like a huge problem, but it really freaks me out. You know how sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and have no idea where you are? It was sort of like that, except it took me a while before I figured out what was happening.

What surprised me during this whole thing was that people cared. Obviously my close friends were concerned, but I was most surprised by the people in Carbone’s (aka Carboner) class. In my corner I was surrounded by guys. They’re great, and I love them all, but they’re not exactly the people I would’ve expected to run to the nurse or get mad at her when she wouldn’t let them use their phones to call an ambulance. I mean, these are the guys who played Pokemon when we were working on our senior paper. Nothing shows you who you real friends are like being in the hospital, and nothing shows you how great people actually are like having a seizure in class. 

I was in the ER for about 10 minutes and then friends started to text me. There were 11 that I talked to those next few days. Now that’s not an overwhelming number, but that doesn’t matter to me. I remember every one of the people I talked to, and that’s why I know the specific number. Your true friends are the ones who say, “are you alive?” and,  “you really shouldn’t do that again tho you scared the shit out of me.” 

Then came all the what if questions. What if I was driving? What if I was walking down the hallway? What if my really close friends were there? What if I didn’t wake up? As I was thinking about these questions, something finally clicked in my head. None of those bad things happened and everything turned out okay, so God had to be watching out for me. Maybe He does know what He’s doing. Looking back now, it’s clear to see that God used this to bring me closer to Him. God is so amazing.

During the months following all of this, my view on life completely changed. I began to appreciate life in a way that I never had before. So if the last thing I ever did was pack up my bag for my next class, how would people remember me? What kind of an impact would I have made? I didn’t know the answer. I knew what I hoped the answer would’ve been, but I honestly couldn’t answer them. That’s when I realized I had to change. I had to live doing the things I wanted to, because you never know if you're going to get another chance.

I can sit here and tell you a bunch of cliche sayings (live like there’s no tomorrow, live with no regrets, blah blah blah), but it’s hard to take those to heart without having a reason to live in those ways. In order to understand how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away, you have to experience for yourself how fragile life really is. I don't know what that will look like for you. You'll know when this does happen though, because you truly will be living. You will feel more alive than you ever have before. So if tomorrow never comes, will you be happy with the person you were today?

Psalm 90:12

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.