Thursday, May 24, 2012

seal my heart and break my pride

As my last post clearly demonstrates, I have a bit of a control problem. When I don’t know what’s going on, I have the horrible tendency to freak my freak. If I understand something, then I feel like things are in order. If I don’t, well that just isn’t ok with me. This need for me to come to an understanding of something is handy when it comes to things like chemistry and math. However, it is soul-killing when it comes to me believing that I can figure out how God works. So what is the little voice that tells me I can reduce the Creator of the universe into a formula? Pride. Not only was it the cause of the fall, but it is at the root of everything else that keeps us from God. As said in a horribly stereotypical Christian movie that I couldn’t stop watching on Netflix, “Scratch the surface of any sin and you’ll find pride underneath.”


After seeing once again that I could use some humility in my life, I’ve also been reminded that I’m not going to figure out everything and how it’s all going to turn out before it happens. How quickly I forget that life is always moving forward, but God is merciful when it comes to my stubborn heart. I just need to trust the process, and stop trying to understand how life works. Easier typed than lived. 

"God is not what you imagine or what you think you understand. If you understand you have failed." -St. Augustine


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