Into Marvelous Light We Are Running

Last year I said, “Bring it 2011, just try to beat 2010. I dare you.” 2010 was one of the all around best years I can ever remember, and 2011 was far from that. It was full of heartache in the lives of loved ones and in my own life. One of the things I’ve learned during the past few months is that life happens in seasons and there is a time for everything. That is totally cliche and if I heard someone tell me that a few months ago, I would have had an anger urge to punch them. It’s easy to be hopeful when your life is going the way you want. When life feels completely out of control is when your faith is tested and refined, but as your perseverance is perfected you will be able to remain hopeful despite your seemingly bad circumstances. 

I saw this the other day and thought, Absalootely. 2011 clearly did not take me up on my dare. I’m a naturally negative person, so I could only think of all the difficulties of this year. Then my hope muscle kicked in and said (yeah, my muscles talk to me) don’t you remember... And then all of the good things that happened this year came to mind. 

Yes, this wasn’t exactly the best year, but even in the darkness there was growth. You could even say that because of the darkness there was growth. Because of that I feel hope and anticipation over what will happen as this darkness is overcome by the Light.

Psalm 18:29

You, Lord, give light to my lamp;

my God brightens the darkness about me.

Stupid Tibiofibular Joint, I Don't Want to Rest

Rest is a concept that I don’t understand. Not one bit. Productivity is where it’s at. If I’m getting stuff done, then I feel like I’m serving a purpose. When I sit around with nothing to do I feel useless, and then I get restless trying to find something to work on. 

Now I do have days where I have zero motivation to do anything, and end up watching movies for an entire afternoon. Unfortunately those only happen because I get burned out, and cannot possibly complete one more task. Even more unfortunate is the fact that I’m not even relaxed during these moments of rest. My mind is still going over all of the things I need to get done. 

I know this is wrong and that no matter how much I push myself, at some point I have to take a break. This semester I was going nonstop every day, and in some twisted way I loved it. If I’m busy, then I’m getting stuff done, which makes me feel accomplished, and that makes me happy. And being the lame human that I am, I will do the things that make me happy. 

Running makes me happy. I would run three or four days a week because I didn’t want to wreck my legs and end up getting hurt. That strategy worked well until right before thanksgiving. I went a couple weeks without running because I don’t know why, but I’m sure it was a good reason at the time. Then I got home for thanksgiving and went all out with the running. It felt amazing and I was good for a while. Then right before Christmas break my knee starting hurting like a mother bear. So during break I told myself, “self, take it easy on the running.” I did, but it didn’t help. 

I hate going to the doctor, because most of the time nothing good comes out of it. But the only reason I agreed to go was because I want to run. Turns out I really did something to my knee, but luckily it’s fixable and will hopefully be okay in a couple weeks. 

Know how I did it? Overuse. Know the best way to make it better? Rest. Know how I feel about it? I hate it. 

I’ve gone a week without any physical activity besides walking the dog, and the only thing keeping me from running is the fear of messing it up more and not being able to run for a longer amount of time.

Through this I know that I’m supposed to be learning how to rest and be still. Not just with running but in my relationship with God too. That is painfully evident right now, and I’m just starting to explore this whole resting idea. I have no idea what to do. Doing nothing doesn’t make sense. How will I learn anything without working? Am I not supposed to be moving towards a goal? 

This is incredibly frustrating because the past few months I’ve been reading everything I could, running, introspecting to the point of exhaustion, and fighting. Now it’s like God is just telling me to stop everything that I've been doing, which just seems crazy. I'm confused and don't know what I'm supposed to do now, and all I want to do is go for a run.

Psalm 46:11

Be still and know that I am God!

The Beautiful Fight

As I was traveling home I was reading a book about breaking free of spiritual bondage, and one part was about becoming the person God created us to be. He has given us a name, and within that name is our purpose. 

Michelle and Michael mean who is like God? One time I heard that is what the angel Michael was yelling as he was fighting satan and sending him into hell. That got me thinking about Saint Michael, and how he is a warrior and fighter for God’s Kingdom. And since my name comes from his, then I too am a fighter for God. 

This entire semester seemed like a fight, so this realization at 30,000 feet was incredible and brought me to tears. Not just because I am continually being reminded of God’s power and attention to every detail in my life, but mostly because of a note that I wrote at the beginning of the semester. It was in my Bible while I was flying, but it has also found itself on my door, in my pocket, and as a bookmark over the past three months. 

When I wrote it I honestly didn't know what I was fighting for, but I knew it was something that had to happen. Now it makes sense why I wanted to fight, because it's what I was made to do. Praise God my parents didn’t name me Mallory like they were planning to, because it means unlucky or unfortunate. 

1 Timothy 6:12

Fight the good fight of the faith. 

Be Thyself Our King of Peace

Since it’s the season and all, I’ve been listening to Christmas music lately. We’ve all heard these songs probably hundreds of times, but have you ever stopped and actually thought about the words? And I’m not talking about Jingle Bells and other annoying songs that make you wish it was January. I’m thinking about the songs that are actually about Christmas. 

Take O Come, O Come, Emmanuel for example. This has always been one of my favorites simply because I thought it sounded pretty. I never really understood what it was saying, because as a kid I remember thinking that Israel was one person, so that just makes the song even more confusing. My kid logic: this Israel guy must be pretty sad about something if we’re singing to him on Christmas when we should be singing about baby Jesus. 

Well, as it turns out, Israel isn’t one person but an entire nation of God’s chosen people. Throughout their history God was dumping blessings and miracles on them, protecting them, leading them to safety, keeping every promise He made to them, and He was in their midst. And what did the Israelites do? The rebelled against God. They were unfaithful and started worshipping other idols. They forgot everything that God had done for them. They forsook the Lord. So what did God do about that? He looked past all of their mistakes and promised them redemption, salvation, healing, and a Prince of Peace that would help bring them into a Kingdom better than anything they could possibly imagine. All He wanted them to do was turn away from their sin and come back to Him.

So really, Israel is sad. They’re being held captive by their sin, and are trying to use anything they can (besides God) to take away their pain and feelings of exile. God sees past their unfaithfulness, and only wants them to come back and be in a healthy relationship with Him. So He promises them Emmanuel aka Jesus. When God is with them, they will be free. 

Here’s the challenge: Go back and instead of thinking about a nation of people, think of Israel as one person. Then, don’t think of Israel as some person from some ancient land, think of Israel as you.

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, “Fear not, I will help you.”