Give Me Faith to Trust What You Say

Any time that you spend in scripture you will learn something new as long as you’re open and don’t speed read. But when you spend almost two hours on one passage, you see details that you haven’t noticed before. It all makes much more sense when you know background information about Jewish culture, and every detail begins to have meaning. It was through these details that Jesus was trying to show the disciples that He was the Messiah they had been waiting for. They didn’t figure it out until the second to last verse we read, so Jesus had to heal and cast out demons in numerous people, feed thousands with just a few loaves of bread and fish, walk on water, calm a storm, and at one point He flat out said He was the Messiah. Still, the disciples weren’t picking up what Jesus was laying down. Or maybe they did recognize the signs, but just didn’t want to believe it. 

There were 19 people in our Mark 1 group, and were all pretty frustrated with the disciples, and couldn’t understand why they didn’t understand. But then I realized, how many times do we fail to see God in our lives? He’s in everything, every detail, every person, every good thing, even in every bad thing, yet sometimes we still don’t see Him. 

Throughout the week, one of the main themes that kept coming up was the difference between having a hard heart or a soft heart. A hard heart keeps us from having complete faith and trust in God, while a soft heart is able to fully give itself over to Him. 

Of course, I would like to say that I have a soft heart. However, I quickly realized that there were still some parts that were hardened, and had been for a long time. Throughout the week God basically beat the crap out of those hardened areas with a giant (but holy) mallet. It was painful at the time, but in the end, I couldn't be happier.

There are still times that I doubt and wonder if everything I believe in is wrong and think that none of what I’ve experienced is real. When that happens I feel panicked and out of control. Similar to how I feel right before I know someone is coming over and I’m running around the house picking up and trying not to break out in a sweat. I don’t enjoy it. Then I think about who I’ve put my trust in, the God I’ve given my heart to, and I immerse myself in what He’s done and has promised. Then my panic turns into joy and hope, and I’m reassured that what I believe is right and that it’s what I want to devote my life to.

One of my favorite passages we read was when Jesus calmed a storm at sea. He told the disciples “"Let us cross to the other side [of the sea]." Then a storm hits, the disciples freak out, and Jesus is sleeping. So they wake Him up asking, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” He calms the storm, and questions their doubt, “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?” 

At this point Jesus hadn’t fully displayed His power, so I wasn’t exactly sure what the disciples were supposed to have faith in. Well, Jesus told them they were going across the sea, but in the middle of their journey they doubted what He had told them was going to happen. 

I think it’s safe to say that when things don't go the way I want them to, my first reaction is to question God’s plan. I feel like I’m out navigating a boat in a storm and Jesus is just sleeping in the back, not caring about what’s going on. Just like the disciples, I quickly forget that God has told me how His plan will turn out for me.

Romans 8:28

We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

Camp showed me how much I need child-like faith. Where I depend on God and trust Him to take care of me. Just like how I looked at my parents when I was younger (ok, maybe I still depend on my parents a lot now). I have faith that God’s plan for me is better than anything I could come up with. When things don’t go the way I think they should, instead of freaking out and questioning God, I’ll simply sit at His feet as He’s sleeping on my boat. After all, He’s still in the boat with me. He hasn’t left me to get through life on my own.

Mark 10:13-16

And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

Shut Up and Get the Bread!

Alright, I apologize for not being a timely blogger and for waiting a few days before I tell you about events in my life (even if they’re random and pointless). I’m sure that when you check my blog (as you do every morning) and it isn’t updated, a small feeling of sadness stays with you for the rest of the day. Here’s the problem: I’m an overachiever (which is also problematic in other areas of my life that have nothing to do with blogging) so I can’t just write something and then post it the same day. It takes me a couple days to edit and make sure that I’ve said everything I want to. I’m not sure if this is how you’re supposed to blog. It’s not like you go back through your journal and edit. But this is my blog, so I do what I want. Respect my s’mikhah.

Speaking of s’mikhah (for all you non-Jewish scholars that’s hebrew for authority) let me tell you about spring break. I went with InterVarsity to Glorieta, New Mexico for chapter camp and we spent the week studying the first half of Mark. I will go into further detail of how amazing camp was soon, but here are some pictures that will hopefully fend off your lack-of-Michelle’s-blog sadness. 

Mark 5:41

He [Jesus] took the child by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum," which means, "Little girl, I say to you, arise!"

Rosa Parks: Civil Rights Activist, Chemist

The past couple weeks have been ridiculously busy. It was unbelievable. But you know what? I enjoyed it. I love being busy because it makes me feel productive. Now, I’m not asking for another week where I have three exams and a five page paper due. I’d be quite alright with a workload somewhere between nonstop studying and having a movie day because there isn’t anything else to do.

Since I would call myself a chem nerd, I procrastinate chemistry the most out of all my classes. I don’t think I’m smart, I just know a lot of chemistry. I know so much that on a test a couple weeks ago I missed a question because my knowledge of the topic was more in depth than what we discussed in class. Really? I lost five points because I know too much? What a pain in the acetate. 

You know what else is a pain? Our exams. Each question is worth five points because there are only twenty questions. Then most of them are annoying “word” questions. Come on! Give me some math problems! I’m aware that I should understand the concepts and be able to explain them, but how do you think I know how to do the math problems? Today this was one of our questions, and it was also a fill in the blank, “What did Rosa Park’s husband tell her she must do before he would marry her? Hint: She couldn’t do it before because she was trying to earn money to support her family.” What? I read the chapter and don’t recall reading anything about Rosa Parks. Even if she is mentioned, I refuse to go back and look through the chapter. What does she have to do with chemistry anyways? Luckily, I think we got credit for writing anything for an answer. But still, I blame this question for any others that I missed because of the distress it caused. Was this question just to see who reads the book? How about we look at the grades and see who is passing the class. That's probably the best indicator of who is paying attention to the material. 

A majority of the time this class flat out makes me mad and frustrated. I just wish that I could go back to this chemistry class...

I would also like to be back in this room, where I could “trust the process” and not be worried about seemingly pointless exam questions or losing points because I know more than everyone else.

Well now that I have succeeded in making myself feel angry and bitter, let’s talk about something else. During my busy week of studying, my background music was Explosions in the Sky. I’ve decided that when anyone reads my writing, they have to listen to EITS. My writing would seem far better and much more climactic. 

Now, go back and read this while listening to the above song. Exciting, right? You could even read this post and it would seem like an award-winning essay.

This guy know good music when he hears it.
Please note the Tranformer's sticker.