Nuestra Familia Hermosa

A few weeks ago was Grampa & Gramma's 50th anniversary. We got together and had a little photoshoot for them, since we are obviously the reward for their marriage. Hope you enjoy these as much as I do.

Psalm 100

Shout joyfully to the Lord, all you lands; worship the Lord with cries of gladness; come before him with joyful song. Know that the Lord is God, our maker to whom we belong, whose people we are, God's well-tended flock. Enter the temple gates with praise, its courts with thanksgiving. Give thanks to God, bless his name; good indeed is the Lord, whose love endures forever, whose faithfulness lasts through every age.

November 18th

It’s kind of a tradition to write on this day, (old blogs: 11/18/10, 11/18/11) so I figured it was a good time to come back from my writing hiatus. After reading those posts, I was struck by how I have been in a different place each year. Really, I don’t know why this is such a surprise to me. Maybe because at the time I wrote them, I was so sure of myself and thought my view on life would never change. Oh, but I’m constantly being reminded of how life is always moving forward. At first, I was all about living in the moment and doing what you want when you have the chance. The following year I was flat out angry and bitter. This year I have no idea how I’d label my view of life. I do know for certain that it isn’t anything like what it has been before. I’m living in the moment, but not in the positive way I originally intended. Now all I can see is the present: school assignments, studying, IV meetings, working out, tutoring, sleeping (maybe?). Everything has been turned into a checklist.

The worst part is that when something amazing is happening, I can’t even recognize what is going on because I'm already thinking about what's next on my to do list. A couple of times I have sat down and written out things from this semester that I'm thankful for. After getting about 10 things on the list I have to stop, because I get overwhelmed by how powerful God is. Still, when those things were actually happening it’s like the weight of them never registered with me. In the moment I’m aware that something important is going on, but I’ve already moved to the next thing I have to do. 

This weird disconnect between my mind and reality honestly made me think I was becoming schizophrenic for a while. Turns out I was just sleep deprived. Why I strive for perfection to the point of exhaustion doesn’t make any sense to me, but I do know that I have a deeply rooted desire to prove myself. Prove what, you ask? I say, I don’t know. Hence why I’ve started writing again. Slowly, things are coming to the surface that Jesus wants me to deal with. Sigh, but I trust the process.

Again, I don’t know how to label this moment in my life. I do know that where I am now is completely different than where I was three years ago. If you were to have asked me then if I thought that in the future I would be a college student living in Utah, I would have said absolutely not. If you had asked if I thought I would be part of a community of people who truly loved me, I would have told you to stop asking me stupid questions and leave me alone. The change that has happened over the course of just three years is ridiculous, quite honestly. It makes me grateful to be serving a God who takes such good care of his children no matter where they are in life. He is sovereign, and I can’t wait to see where he guides me in the next few years. 

Isaiah 48:17

Thus says the Lord, your redeemer,
the Holy One of Israel:
I, the Lord, your God,
teach you what is for your good, 
and lead you on the way you should go.

First Week Chaos

The past week and a half has been crazy. 

Let’s begin with a 12 hour roadtrip back to Ogden with the parentals. That in itself is craziness. Then something really weird and unexpected happened while I was driving through town: I was happy to be back. Not just because I would be seeing friends soon, but because I was back in the town where I live. 

The next day I went on a leadership retreat with InterVarsity, and my parents went to Yellowstone. Those two days were full of Jesus, and we saw two moose. I didn’t even know they lived in Utah. Then it was back to real life. This is the fifth time that I’ve moved in or out of the dorms, and it’s starting to get old. It didn’t help that our air conditioner wasn’t working (more on that later). 

Of course there was a Friesta, and seeing my parents hanging out with Utah friends has officially become one of my top ten favorite things. My 21st birthday ended the weekend, and I still haven’t fully grasped that reality yet. That night as I was laying in bed (the fifth one that I had occupied in that week), I was in shock that I’m a junior in college and pretty much an adult. 

Then the real fun began. I woke up monday morning and decided to check if my scholarships had gone through. Normally there’s no trouble, and it all happens automatically. Well this time they hadn’t, and the school said I owed them over $2,000 for tuition and a late fee for not having paid it on time. I promptly freaked my freak, and rushed over to campus to get things sorted out. In the time it took me to get there, the scholarship went through. They also took away my late fee. So everything worked out, but I suffered a mild panic attack/heat stroke because the ac in our dorm still wasn’t working. In the past week maintenance has come three times, and it’s currently 80 degrees in the living room (the bedrooms tend to be slightly warmer). Let’s hope that gets fixed soon. My printer also decided to print out nice green pictures for me. I called staples, and they said to run the cleaning cycles. Which I did about a dozen times, and the pictures turned from green to hazy. Yesterday I printed out regular pages and it was fine, so I guess I’ll just have to not print my own pictures. I can live with that. 

This all may seem like bad luck, but I think it’s more. Yes, all of these things are annoyances, but they do a number on me. The first week is difficult enough because I don’t have a routine yet, and these hassles made it worse. I felt unsettled and wished it was summer so that I wouldn’t have to deal with everything that was going on. I think all of this was the enemy trying to derail me by having me focus on the past, which brought despair because it was over. Why would he do that? Something important is happening in the present. The Kingdom is alive and well at Weber (see the following paragraph), and that brings opposition. But despite the battle there is always victory.

The highlight of the week was InterVarsity. We had a proxe station (no, I don’t know what proxe means) on campus for four days. It was about identity and what you are/will be known for. Basically a person will walk up, we’ll ask them questions about their identity, tell them we’re from IV, talk about Jesus, and then invite them to large and small groups. Some are genuinely interested, others not so much. One girl said she wasn't in to religion and asked me where she could find popsicles. 

This year I’ve been given the opportunity to co-lead a Bible study. Talk about crazy. Finding a small group my freshman year was what got me involved with IV, and to be a small group leader just two years later is crazy. It’s overwhelming to see how transforming those two years have been. This week we just met and hung out, but next week we’ll start our study of Matthew. I’m excited about what’s to come this year, and my prayer is that our small group will become a familia. 

There were almost 150 people at our first large group, and that’s amazing. God is doing incredible work here at Weber, and I’m grateful that I get to be a part of it.

During this week I truly felt like an upperclassman. I feel old not just in age, but I feel like a grownup and leader. Talk about crazy.

Not in my bow do I trust, nor does my sword bring me victory.

Psalm 44:7

El Mejor Verano

This summer is finally coming to an end, and it has been fantastic. My heart is filled with joy and gratitude just thinking about all that has happened. The past four months have been relaxing and good for my soul. It was a season of being stable and experiencing peace in unexpected and incredible ways. I’m content, and ready for what comes next. Whatever that may be. 

Here are a few of my favorite things about the summer of 2012...

Spending quality time with one of my best friends

Crowder concert on a baseball field

Reading through Romans with my Mama

My cysta and all that she did for me

Friends that come together without fail

Free tickets to a Diamondbacks game the night before my surgery (I still can’t get over this one)

Spending a week with these crazy boys

Utah friends visiting Prescott

Living in a place that looks like this

Faithful friends that I can always count on

Gramma teaching me how to make tortillas, 

and that she took this picture with my phone

Fishing

Hiking Thumb Butte, after using it to remind me that he would never forsake me, what did Jesus say when we got to the top? 

See, I never left you, did I?

No, He didn't. He has been with me the entire time, and my trust that he always will be is deeper than it ever has been before.

B+

89%. That’s where I am right now. Not 90, because I’m satisfied with that even though it’s only an A-. But 89 is just annoyingly close to an A. 

My body isn’t quite back to normal and my energy gets used up pretty quickly. It has only been six weeks, which seems like a long time but it really isn’t. I didn’t have any expectations for how long recovery was going to be, but apparently I thought I’d be fine by now. Some days that last percent drives me crazy, because I don’t like it when I can’t do what I want to. Being thankful is what gets me through those difficult days. Today I ran a mile, which isn’t that impressive. But I was grateful for every step because last week I couldn’t run that far. This process has shown me how to be humble as well. Admitting that I can’t do something or need someone to do it for me is not one of my skills, but I'm working on it.

I’ve noticed that I haven’t been writing as much lately, and I think that’s because I really don’t have anything to process right now. Forgive my lack of words, but I’m content. And that is beautiful beyond anything I could write.

Here’s some evidence of summer adventures...

Philippians 4:12-13

I know indeed how to live in humble circumstances; I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me. 

Look at Them...

For over a year I’ve been hoping that one day utah friends would visit prescott. So when people actually wanted to come, I could hardly contain my excitement. The two days before everyone arrived I was baking like a crazy person because I was so pumped up. It was a fantastic weekend full of driving around town, hiking (kinda), eating (lots and lots of eating), and experiencing joy at the sight of my friends IN PRESCOTT. 

Thank you for coming, friends. Seeing you hang out with my family was a highlight of my summer. Come back soon. I promise there will be more mexican food. 

Praise the Lord, O my Soul

Just like everything else, recovery is going much better than I thought it would. Last week I was cleared for everyday life besides contact sports, so I’ve been able to run a couple of times. The soreness isn’t too big of a problem, but I do still get tired. It’s a long process, but most of the time I’m fine with resting because I know it’s a good thing. Sometimes I want to get out and do stuff, but then I end up completely wiped out by dinner time. So in the meantime I’ve been reading, watching movies, writing letters, coloring, and working on puzzles. Yesterday I was reading on the front porch, and Robert said when he came home and I wasn’t sitting in my chair, he became a little concerned and didn’t know where I was. I do run errands, which I strategically spread out throughout the week so I get out of the house every few days. 

There are many things* that I’m thankful for. Prayers from family and friends. Kind and encouraging words from people far away. Being able to run when two weeks before I couldn’t even get out of bed. Receiving letters in the mail. Early morning walks. People who are willing to get something for me because I just don’t want to get out of a chair.

I’m most thankful for the little things* that have come up I found difficult or impossible to do. Bending over to put on shoes. Driving. Pouring milk. Laughing. Opening doors with one hand. Sneezing. Rolling over while you’re sleeping. Having the energy to get out of pajamas. Stretching to reach something. Holding something more than five pounds. Getting in and out of a car, bed, or chair. 


* These lists are much longer in real life than they appear in this post.

It’s hard to believe it has only been three weeks. But each day I get up and know that whatever I’m able to do is because of grace. And that is all I need. 

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.